The Prank Phone Call
by WildAngels
Summary: Harry and Ron prank call Hermione. Takes place before the Trio's 5th year. RH


I wrote this about two years ago, found it, and decided to post it here. It takes place before the Trio's 5th year

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The Prank Phone Call

Harry Potter was bored. Very bored. His Aunt and Uncle had taken his large cousin Dudley to an amusement park in London to spend the day – and of course Harry hadn't been invited. Harry was surprised when Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia hadn't sent him to stay at Mrs. Figg's house; instead they gave him five pages of chores to be finished by the time they returned home that evening.

Harry looked at the list of chores which included _mow law, wash and fold clothes, alphabetize CDs, bake four dozen chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies for Dudley's class, pull weeds, paint garage and fence, clean gutters, vacuum and dust every room in the house…TWICE, read Dudley's books for summer reading and write a report on each of them_…the list just went on and on.

Harry sighed. Even as a wizard, he couldn't perform magic to get any of these tasks done because he was still an underage wizard and wasn't permitted to use magic outside of Hogwarts. He decided to alphabetize the CDs first and headed over to the extensive CD collection the Dursley's owned.

"Let's see, ABBA would be first, naturally," Harry muttered as he placed the three ABBA albums the Dursleys owned in their strategic places.

He looked at the CDs before him and decided to pop one into the CD player even though he was told specifically not to touch any of the electrical items in the house, but he was already touching the CDs anyway, so what was the harm, really? Harry took out a Don Henley CD and placed it in the player.

_"All she wants to do is dance, dance, dance!"_

Harry bobbed his head to the music as he worked on the rest of the CDs. He had just gotten to the Ms (_I can't believe the Dursleys have a copy of Milli Vanill's CD!_) when he heard a knock on the door. Harry muted the stereo and opened it and was surprised to find….

"Ron!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

His tall, redheaded, freckled face best friend grinned at him. "Hi, Harry! I got the letter you sent me a few days ago and since you said your relatives would be gone for the day and you would be all alone, I decided to come by and keep you company."

"But how did you get here?" Harry asked, grinning. He was so happy to see his friend.

Ron held up an object that appeared to be an old grubby sneaker. "Easy! Portkey!"

Harry narrowed his eyes at him. "Does your family know you're here?"

"Of course they do! Mum suggested I come by and keep you company and Dad told me to take notes on all the Muggle stuff." He looked at the compact disc in Harry's hand. "What's that?"

Harry handed it to him. "It's a compact disc, or a CD. It plays music."

Ron looked at the CD. "Milli Vanilli. Interesting."

Harry grinned. "Yeah, they're infamous for lip-synching."

"Can we listen to it?" Ron asked excitedly, waving the CD.

"Uh, you want to listen to this one? Actually the Dursleys have a pretty extensive CD collection and –"

"I want to listen to this one!" Ron said excitedly.

"All right." Harry took the CD and placed it into the CD player as Ron watched, fascinated.

"Now I just push play…and ta da!"

_"I'm in love with you girl because you're on my mind. You're the one I think about almost every time….Girl you know it's true, ooh, ooh, ooh, I love you. Yes you know it's true. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I love you."_

"Wow, that's amazing!" Ron exclaimed. "So what are you doing?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "The Dursleys gave me a list of chores I have to do before they get back. There's no way I'm going to get them all done."

"Hey, a fellytone!" Ron said, seeing the object on the table next to the couch.

Harry laughed. "Telephone," he corrected. "Remember that time you called me and yelled? That was funny."

Ron turned red. "Give me a break here, that was the first time I used one! I now know to speak normally when you use one."

"Want to use it again?" Harry asked.

"Okay," said Ron. "But who are we going to call?"

Harry grinned. "Who do we know that owns a telephone?"

"Hermione!" said Ron.

"Exactly! I have her phone number up in my room. Let me go get it."

Harry raced upstairs and rifled through his junk and grabbed the piece of paper with Hermione's phone number written on it. "Okay, here it is," he said handing it to Ron.

"I get to talk to her first!" Ron said as he started to pick up the phone.

"Wait!" Harry said as he put his hand over Ron's and put the phone back on the receiver. "I have a better idea."

Ron looked irritated. "What?"

Harry gave a mischievous smile. "Instead of calling her to chat, let's prank call her!"

Now Ron looked confused. "What do you mean by prank call?"

"First, give me a boy's name."

"How about Irvin?" suggested Ron.

"Great name. Now just watch and learn," Harry said as he took the phone from Ron and dialed Hermione's number.

"Hermione, dear, I'm going grocery shopping. I'll be back in a couple of hours," said Mrs. Granger poking her head into the den.

"Okay, Mum," Hermione replied from the couch.

"Your dad is still at work. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Mum."

Once Mrs. Granger had left, Hermione turned off the telly and leaned over the couch and reached under where she retrieved a _Sweet Valley High_ book. Hermione was very embarrassed to be reading these teen nonsense books, but she had gotten hooked this summer when she discovered her older cousin, Hallie, had a whole collection of them. Hallie had given Hermione a few to read and now she just couldn't stop herself. She settled herself onto the couch in a comfortable position to read about the perfect lives of Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield, the blonde haired, blue eyed, tanned twins from Sweet Valley, California. She had only read the third page when the phone rang. Hermione put the book down and walked to the kitchen, the closest room where the phone was.

She picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello, is Irvin there?" said a voice she didn't recognize.

"No, I'm afraid you have the wrong number."

"Okay, thank you." The person hung up.

Hermione hung up too and went back to the couch.

Harry hung up the phone, snickering. He had deepened his voice when he talked to Hermione, using a different accent.

"Okay. So you just changed your voice and asked for Irvin. What's so funny about that?" demanded Ron.

"Just you wait and see," said Harry. "We'll give it another minute before we call her again."

After sixty seconds had passed, Harry picked up the phone and dialed Hermione's number again while Ron watched him intently.

Hermione answered on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hello," Harry said using the same faux voice, "Is Irvin there?"

"Uh, no. You have the wrong number."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, goodbye."

Harry hung up the phone, a huge smile on his face.

"Well, what did she say?" asked Ron.

"She said it was the wrong number. But we still need to keep calling her. She's not irritated yet. We'll give her three minutes before we call her again."

Hermione rolled her eyes as she hung up the phone for a second time and climbed back into the couch with her book. She hoped this dolt would get the number right on his third try. She was just getting to a pivotal part in the story (One of the twin's friends had just overdosed on cocaine!)...when the phone rang again.

"Oh, for crying out loud," Hermione said to herself, in an exasperated tone. "It better not be a wrong number again."

She walked into the kitchen once more and picked up the phone. "Hello?" she said, trying to keep her voice from sounding irritated.

"Hi, is Irvin there?"

Hermione rolled her eyes so far back in her head, she was afraid they would get stuck there. She wanted to smack her forehead, but kept her composure.

"No," she said firmly. "You have the wrong number."

"Thank you!" the caller hung up.

Hermione gritted her teeth as she opened the refrigerator. Since she was already up she decided to pour herself some lemonade.

"Okay, this is a good sign," Harry said as he hung up the phone once again. "I think she's getting irritated."

"Just how many times are you going to do this?" asked Ron. "You know Hermione and her temper."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know Hermione and her temper thanks to all the bickering you two do."

Ron grinned. "It takes one to know one."

This time Harry only waited thirty seconds before he dialed Hermione's number once more.

Hermione had just reached the den when the phone rang again. Sighing, she sat her glass of lemonade down on the table and trotted back to the kitchen while muttering a word her mother would surely wash her mouth out with soap if she had repeated it in front of her parents.

"Hello," she said into the phone, not caring if her irritation showed.

"Is Irvin there?" came the voice.

"No!" Hermione said, almost in a yell. "You have the wrong number, okay? Nobody named Irvin lives here. You've already called me four times. Please check your number!"

"I'm so sorry," the voice apologized. "Goodbye."

"Ooh, now we've really irritated her," Harry chuckled as he hung up the phone. "She sounded really mad."

"Ron raised his eyebrow. "We? You're the one who's calling her, not me."

"Yes, but now it's your turn."

"I'm going to call her next? I don't think I want to talk to her if she's in a bad mood."

"But you have to call her! It's part of the joke! Just disguise your voice and say that you're Irvin and ask if there are any messages for you."

Ron shook his head. "Oh, Harry, you are despicable." He reached for the phone and dialed Hermione's number.

"Hello?" he heard her irritated voice answer on the first ring.

_She really is sodding mad!_ Ron mouthed to Harry.

Harry put a finger up to his lips.

"Hi," Ron said as he disguised his voice. "This is Irvin. Have there been any messages for me?"

He heard Hermione shriek on the other end of the phone. "Who is this? Trevor, this better not be you! Because if it is, I swear to God I'll-"

"Who's Trevor?" Ron demanded in his voice, his very jealous voice.

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Finally, Hermione said, "_Ron_? Is that you?"

_Uh oh._

"It was Harry's idea, Hermione!" Ron exclaimed. "He was the one who wanted to prank call you! You know I don't have much experience with fellytones!"

"Telephone," Hermione corrected. "You two are such dolts!" She slammed the phone down.

"Oh, great now she knows it's us!" groaned Harry.

"I wonder who Trevor is?" muttered Ron.

"Who?"

"She thought this Trevor guy was the one pulling the prank on her."

"Well, I'm sure she won't be mad at us for long," Harry said.

"I wonder who this Trevor fellow is?" Ron muttered again.

Harry rolled his eyes. He reached for the phone and dialed.

"What are you doing?" asked Ron.

"I'm going to call Hermione and ask who Trevor is!"

"No! You can't do that!" Ron exclaimed in a panicked voice.

Harry put down the phone and stared at Ron. Then he looked over at the collection of CDs and a sly grin crossed over his face. "Just wait here one second, Ron."

Ron watched as Harry walked over to the collection of CDs, found one, and put it into the player. He fiddled around with some buttons, then returned back to Ron and picked up the phone.

"Harry, what are you doing?" he asked nervously as he watched his friend dial.

Hermione scowled as the phone rang again. She picked it up and snapped, "What?"

"Come on, Hermione, don't be mad at us," she heard Harry's voice say.

"I swear, sometimes you two act like you're five years old!" came Hermione's haughty voice.

"Ron wants to know who Trevor is."

Hermione rolled my eyes. "He's my cousin. He likes to play stupid pranks – such as this one – on me."

Although Hermione didn't know it, Harry was giving Ron the thumbs up sign and mouthing to him that Trevor was only her cousin.

"Listen, Ron has something he needs to tell you."

"What?"

"Hold on."

"I don't have anything to tell her!" Ron hissed as Harry walked over to the CD player with the phone still in his hand, his palm covering the receiver.

Harry winked at him. "Just trust me." He put the phone back to his ear. "Are you there, Hermione? Okay, here's a message from Ron." He pushed a button on the CD player and held the phone up to the speakers.

_"No New Year's Day to celebrate.  
No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away.  
No first of spring. No song to sing  
In fact here's just another ordinary day.  
No April rain. No flowers bloom.  
No wedding Saturday within the month of June.  
But what it is – is something true made up of these three words that I must say to you.  
I just called to say I love you.  
I just called to say how much I care.  
I just called to say I love you.  
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart."_

"Harry," Hermione interrupted. "That isn't Ron. That's Stevie Wonder!"

_"No summer's high. No warm July.  
No harvest moon to light one tender August night.  
No autumn breeze. No falling leaves.  
No even time for birds to fly to southern skies  
No libra sun. No Halloween.  
No giving thanks to all the Christmas joy you bring.  
But what it is though old so new to fill your heart like no three words could ever do.  
I just called to say I love you.  
I just called to say how much I care.  
I just called to say I love you.  
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart."_

"Okay, you can turn off that music now!" Hermione yelled.

Harry stopped the music. "So do you forgive us now?"

Even though he couldn't see her, he knew she was smiling. "Put Ron on the phone."

"She wants to talk to you," Harry said winking at Ron who went red and took the phone.

"Hi, Hermione."

"Hi, Ron."

"Uh, I'm sorry about that joke we played on you. But it was Harry's idea and –"

"It's okay, Ron. I forgive you. I guess the joke was pretty funny."

Ron noticed that Harry was pointing at the clock and he saw that the time was getting late. "I have to go now, Hermione. Harry's relatives will be home soon and I'm not supposed to be here. I'll owl you when I get back to the Burrow!"

"Okay. Bye, Ron. It was nice talking to you on the telephone."

"Bye, Hermione."

Ron hung up the phone.

"You better get going," said Harry. "The Dursleys said they would be home around eight, and it's already five after."

"What about your other chores?" Ron asked. "Won't they get mad to see you're not finished with everything?"

Harry shrugged. "Surely they can't expect me to do everything on that list. I think I'll tell them that I spent the time reading the books from Dudley's school reading list, then write bogus papers. Let him get F's!"

Ron laughed. "Brilliant idea. Bye, Harry."

"Bye, Ron," Harry said as he watched his friend Portkey back to the Burrow.

As Harry headed up the stairs, he was already scheming for another prank call he could play on someone….

THE END


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